I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Operation Purity has been aborted
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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