and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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