i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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