you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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