I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
