At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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