Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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