By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
