I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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