Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
