a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
