She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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