I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
