Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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