Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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