Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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