Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
