Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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