we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
