She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
