There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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