ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
