i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
