Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
