She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
