Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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