I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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