anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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