You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize