We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
