We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
