I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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