What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize