It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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