I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
