How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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