So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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