there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
