I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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