Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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