After last night, I could never be a politician.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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