Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
