My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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