Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
