You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Panties = found
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
