I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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