What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
