I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
