Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
