He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
