The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
