Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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