What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
