and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
