If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
