First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
