I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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