the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
