You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We have started to decorate penises.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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