His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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