I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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