Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
