I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
