so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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