someone threw a dead crab at me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
