we're chasing vodka with high fives
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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