New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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