The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize