He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
