i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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