I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
