now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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