i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
