"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
