you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize