dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
