yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
