3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
