it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
