I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
