My room smells like vodka and shame
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
